hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
