Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
