whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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