so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize