It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
