I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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