Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
