: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
birth control should be required to get into college
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
