I wish I only lived at night.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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