I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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