You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize