My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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