My hair reeks of homosexuality.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
