Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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