I think I died a long time ago.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
MIDGETS
????
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize