So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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