guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
