Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize