Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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