the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
