I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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