I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize