I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
