we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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