I just saw a hot homeless man
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
