i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
