I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
