I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
is it fun? or sober?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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