Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
