I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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