Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
