what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize