After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
well you can't waste a boner
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
