they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This house was built for laser tag.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
