I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
