it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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