I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize