so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
