so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I skipped work to stalk him.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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