...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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