You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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