Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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