Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
