would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
