So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
