how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
