the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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