YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
