I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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