It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
