I looked at my own cervix.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
