Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
