I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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