Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
