He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
