Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
