Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
