"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
