I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
