My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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