Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
