I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
