I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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