Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
