Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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