Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize