I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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