Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
