theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
