If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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