bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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