party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
