dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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