Me. At least after what I've been through.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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