If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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