Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
