yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
