so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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