I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
