chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
