i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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