we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
