I will die if light touches me.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
